Chris Tull

DR. GOD, DDS, page 7 (first draft)

PAGE 7 (8 panels)

PANEL 1
Ext. 10:45 am. Brian’s white luxury SUV passes through the entrance to Hillcrest, a gated community in western El Dolor with a scenic hilltop view. Beyond the gates we see McMansions in three different designs and layouts. All are white with navy or hunter green shutters.

CAP
10:45 am. Hillcrest, Western El Dolor.

PANEL 2
Int. The inside of the car is riddled with stack of paperwork and fast food garbage. A ripped paper bag covered in green spray paint sits crumpled in the passenger seat. Brian drives, unsettled and overly alert from his meeting with Collins earlier. He’s done a nominal job of cleaning the paint from his face, but he his fingernails still show evidence of his all-night huffing binge. Otherwise, he remains totally disheveled, especially his hair. His smart phone sits on the dash. His prescription pad sits on the passenger seat. (If you can’t fit the pad in-panel, no problem.)

PANEL 3
Brian brings the bag to his nose and sniffs.

SFX
sniff sniff
CAP
It’s barely enough to make Brian momentarily light-headed.

PANEL 3
Through the windshield, we see the neighborhood’s maze of cul-de-sacs as Brian makes his way through them. His phone vibrates on the dash, startling him, causing him to tense his body.

CAP
Maybe it’s the adrenaline?
SFX
zzt zzt

CAP
His heart races and he can’t shake the distinct feeling of dread hanging in his chest. Even less than usual.

PANEL 4
Close-up of the phone. The screen identifies the caller as “work.”

CAP
He ignores it.
SFX
zzt zzt
CAP
Again.

PANEL 5
Ext. Large panel. Wide shot. Brian begins to exit his vehicle, having parked it in front of Donna Drangus’ house. It’s the largest version of the homes in the neighborhood, with kelly green shutters in place of the more drab colors of the other homes. In the driveway sits a late model Porsche.

PANEL 6
Pull in on Brian. He looks at himself in the side mirror of the Porsche, smoothing his wild hair. He’s still rattled.

PANEL 7
Long shot. Having made it most of the way to the front door, he stops himself, making an “oh, dammit” gesture.

CAP
He stops himself.

PANEL 8
Close-up of Brian’s prescription pad, and Brian’s hand reaching into the car for it.

CAP
He can push it down, but he knows his role.

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DR. GOD, DDS, page 6, final two panels (second draft)

Okay, so I skipped a week and all I did was revise two panels? Bite me. Listen to Weekend Quality. Also, I’m a couple of pages ahead of this. Just you wait and see.

PANEL 8
Same size panel as PANEL 6, with Jan appearing in-panel at the same size, but now at the other side of the panel. Things have gone totally psychedelic now, with everything shaded in gray and brown. Her world withers and dies around her. Everything is a dried up shell, cracked and flaking away. She walks past her small nondescript sedan, the only car parked on the street.

CAP
But no such luck. There are no Pink Minnows.
CAP
She drifts down the sidewalk, past her car, and onward towards nothing.
CAP
Nothing but that woman. That name.

PANEL 9
Still psychedelic. A giant shadow of Donna Drangus looms over Jan in her depression world. Jan falls to her knees, exhausted.

CAP
Donna Drangus.

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DR. GOD, DDS, page 6 (first draft)

I’m most definitely going to redo the end of this page tomorrow. The psychedelic part is all wrong, but his is what I have.

PAGE 6 (9 panels)

PANEL 1
Jan stands up and begins. The group listens, speaking back on cue.

CAP
But Jan’s heart is beating out of her chest.
JAN
I’m Jan. Drugs, depression, suicidal thoughts.
GROUP
(in miscellaneous separate word balloons.)
Hi, Jan.
Hey.
Welcome.

PANEL 2
Closer on Jan as she speaks robotically.

JAN
I really miss using. Pink Minnows. I miss they way that they took me away. My marriage was bad, but I think I made a mistake. I think I should have stayed in it. I think…”
CAP
She feels herself going off the rails and tries to get back on track. But one woman’s face haunts her.

PANEL 3
Jan closes her eyes and tries to concentrate.

JAN
Sorry… Uh… Anyway, I’m doing it. I haven’t used in weeks. I ran out of pills a week or so after Brian moved out. And that was it.
CAP
A deep breath, self-conscious of the movement of every muscle.

PANEL 4
Longer shot of the group. Jan fades out, completely losing confidence.

JAN
I don’t know where to get more, and that’s a good thing. Because… yeah… sorry…
JAN
That’s it, I guess.
CAP
There is no therapeutic effect. Her mind is consumed by one person. That Hillcrest bitch…

PANEL 5
Ext. As the meeting ends, Jan walks out of the front entrance of the community center, onto the sidewalk, along with most of the other meeting attendees. She visibly enjoys the warmth of the sun.

CAP
She walks out into the sunlight and tries to take it in. Something she always enjoyed.

PANEL 6
Wide panel, full body shot with lots of background in-panel. In profile, Jan walks towards her car. She begins to frown and pushes her hair behind her ear again.

CAP
But that woman enters her mind. And Brian. What happened was Brian’s fault, but one name echos nonetheless.

PANEL 7
Close up. Jan closes her eyes, trying hard to fight back anxiety. As things begin to turn psychedelic, the right half of the panel should be colored gray and brown.

CAP
She wants to sink into the floor again, swimming in nothing but pure dopamine and serotonin.

PANEL 8
Same size panel as PANEL 6, with Jan appearing in-panel at the same size, but now at the other side of the panel. Things have gone totally psychedelic now, with everything shaded in gray and brown. An enormous perfect, breast looms, coming into panel from the left with flowing locks of dark hair. Jan looks over her shoulder at the breast.

CAP
But no such luck. There are no Pink Minnows. Just that woman. Just that name.

PANEL 9
Still psychedelic. A giant figure/silhouette of Donna Drangus looms over Jan.

CAP
Donna Drangus.

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DR. GOD, DDS, page 5 (first draft)

PAGE 5 (12 PANELS)

Lettering note: The speaker’s words are indecipherable except for a few key words and phrases that I’ve indicated here being readable. The indecipherable passages should look like scribbles, etc.

PANEL 1
Ext. Morning. A run-down community center in a declining neighborhood in eastern El Dolor. The front entrance is set back from the road/sidewalk by approximately 25 feet. There’s a jungle gym/playground in a grassy area between.

CAP
10am. Eastern El Dolor. Besser Community Center and Research Facility for the Downward Bound.
SPEAKER
(from inside)
[indecipherable]

PANEL 2
Inside, a support group for dual diagnosed people with mood disorders and substance abuse problems. Jan Perry-Liar sits uncomfortably, head down with her hair covering most of her face, pulling her sweater tighter around her body, in one of the tan steel folding chairs set up in a circle in the mostly empty main room in the community center. A handful of other people of varying race, age, and dress fill the remaining chairs. One man, a yuppie with perfect clothes, stands up in front of his chair and speaks. Everyone listens intently except for Jan.

SPEAKER
[indecipherable] alcohol and drugs [indecipherable] face down [indecipherable]
CAP
Jan Perry-Liar can barely listen to the speaker.

PANEL 3
Close-up. Jan pushes her hair behind her ears.

CAP
She organizes her thoughts into neat stacks in her mind, striving to keep them from falling.
SPEAKER
(OP)
Cocaine [indecipherable] face down, man.

PANEL 3
Closer on the the speaker. He starts to weep, but doesn’t look down or turn his head away.

CAP
The man talks about his “bottom” being waking up on the street somewhere. Pee pants.
SPEAKER
[indecipherable] piss in my pants [indecipherable]

PANEL 4
Jan leans forward in her chair, trying to focus on the speaker.

CAP
She feels guilty about not following the story and leans forward in her chair.

PANEL 5
The speaker wipes tears from one cheek as he finishes his story.

SPEAKER
[indiscernible] for the last time, and I’m going to keep it that way.
CAP
He winds it down.

PANEL 6
Jan pulls her sweater over her body again. Her facial expression is one of dread.

CAP
It’s time for her to finally do this. Finally make this work. It only works if you work it, they say.

PANEL 7
Same shot. Jan steels herself.

GROUP LEADER
(OP)
Any input for Chad?
CAP
No, that’s N.A. But whatever.
GROUP LEADER
(OP)
Okay, does anyone else want to share?

PANEL 8
Same shot. Jan meekly raises her hand.

GROUP LEADER
(OP)
Okay.
CAP
So she’s going to make it work. Because nothing else is.
GROUP LEADER
(OP)
Go ahead.

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DR. GOD, DDS, page 4 (first draft)

PAGE 4 (7 PANELS)

PANEL 1
Brian, trying to see the Collins’ features clearly through blurred vision.

BRIAN
Do I know you? You’re one of Jan’s bloodsuckers, right? Come to get the dirt on me? Fine. Here it is.

PANEL 2
Collins stares down at Brian, smug and monstrous.

COLLINS
No, sir. My name is Collins. Mr. Collins, if you prefer. And I’m here to make you an offer.

PANEL 3
Cut to the basement and Herman and Zelda.

ZELDA
Then we can’t wait around any more. I don’t want to be here at all, especially with a ghoul.

PANEL 4
Brian gets to his feet, wobbly. He looks perplexed.

CAP
Brian liar asks himself, is it the paint, or is this actually a fucking weird situation?

PANEL 5
Collins and Brian, both in panel now. Collins grips the paint can in both hands, moving it to punctuate his words like a politician pointing with their thumb. (Reference.) Brain still looks wildly unstable and paint-brained.

HERMAN
(OP, no tail)
Which ghoul do you mean, Zelda?
COLLINS
I am here to tell you the future. In the future, I will give birth to a zygote. It’s gestating behind my third eye right now, and I’d like you to help deliver it.
CAP
This feels very weird.

PANEL 6
Brian tries to stand up straight.

BRIAN
What are you talking about? Who the hell are you?
ZELDA
(OP, no tail)
Don’t call me by my slave name.

PANEL 7
Collins puts his hand gently, creepily on Brian’s cheek.

ZELDA
(OP, no tail)
I’m talking about either one.
COLLINS
I will give birth to a zygote, Dr. Liar, and you will be the delivery man.
CAP
Very, very weird.

weekendqualitywords dr god dds weekend quality comics chris fabulous chris tull writing make comics comics comic books script process work in progress challenge writing challenge daily diy horror pulp sci-fi weird

DR. GOD, DDS, page 3 (first draft)

Note for Tumblr folks:

Mr. Collins is a creepy, mysterious, sharply dressed man.

Herman and Zelda are Brian’s creations, used to improve his technique for his more “adventurous” medical techniques. Namely, the full-head transplant. These two have human bodies, clothed in tattered rags, with cat heads and necks transplanted onto their shoulders.

I’ll post a page of character descriptions soon. I usually include this at the beginning of my scripts to avoid gumming up panel descriptions with lengthy character introductions.

Anyway…

PAGE 3 (2 PANELS)

PANEL 1
Large panel. Worm’s eye view. Brian in the foreground, still lying on his back, frozen with fear, looks up to find Mr. Collins looming above him. Collins bears his otherworldly, gnarled teeth and holds up a can of spray paint. Tracks of dried green paint streak the sides of the can.

COLLINS
Did you lose this, Dr. Liar?

PANEL 2
Int. The dim, crummy, dirty basement of the cabin. This is where Brian and his assistant do their mad science. We don’t see but a little bit of their gear; maybe a pegboard with a hacksaw hanging mixed with more specialized scientific equipment. The main focus is two olde-time prison doors marked with pieces of duct tape with names scrawled in marker across them: Herman and Zelda. However, Herman and Zelda remain out of view for this scene. We only see vague silhouettes behind the bars of the doors bearing their respective names.

HERMAN
I don’t know. He left a long time ago.
ZELDA
And who was that man?
HERMAN
I don’t know. I’ve never seen him before.
ZELDA
When he walked by the window, all the sound stopped. I just hear him breathing.
HERMAN
Do you think he has some kind of spiritual powers?
ZELDA
Yes.

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DR. GOD, DDS, Page 2 (first draft)

PAGE 2 (10 PANELS)

Layout note: I’m not trying to tell you your business, but my suggestion is to lay high panel-count, low word-count pages (like this one) out on a sixteen panel grid. Sex Criminals (Matt Fraction/Chip Zdarsky) uses this to great effect. They do it on every page, but we don’t need to go that far. That’s not how I’ve envisioned it. But, again, I’m not trying to tell you your business.

PANEL 1
Pull in on Brian, totally out of it, as he peers at the castle and the hippie sleeping in the lounge chair in the front yard. The scene disgusts him.

PANEL 2
Brian’s POV-ish. Maybe pulled in a bit closer than that. The lazy, shiftless hippie, snoring away.

PANEL 3
Medium shot. Brian furiously yells, almost losing his balance.

BRIAN
(slurred shouting)
Grehdandraaah! Scuhbbah!

PANEL 4
The hippie wakes, sleepily looking back at Brian for a moment…

PANEL 5
…before closing his eyes and drifting off again.

PANEL 6
With clenched fists, Brian continues on, stumbling, walking on the edge of the road where the trail meets the grass. He’s headed towards his cabin, which is at the end of this road. We can’t see it from here, though. The road bends.

PANEL 7
Similar shot. Brian begins to lose his balance.

PANEL 8
Brian lands shoulder and face first on the grassy shoulder of the road.

PANEL 9
Pull in. The morning sun casts the lanky, lithe, shadow of Mr. Collins over him. Collins has been following Brian.

PANEL 10
Brian, visibly shocked, having turned so that his weight rests on one hand and his hip, looks up (off-panel) at Collins.

BRIAN
*Gasp!*

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hackfitzsimmons

The Gauntlet is Thrown Down

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After fuck-only-knows how long, it’s time I started doing something with this Tumblr page of mine. After discussing issues with another comics writer (C-Fabs himself) revolving around motivation, procrastination, and generally feeling sorry for ourselves, we’re teaming up by facing off.

Chris and I have challenged one another to post evidence of progress on each of our favorite projects every single day. Looks like he’s off to an early lead, but if history teaches us anything it’s that Chris is the writing equivalent of a mollycoddled weakling while I am a robust, muscular, beefcake.

Follow my page for previews of my upcoming comic, Timeschmucks. I’ll be posting snippets from the first script, which is already being produced and will be released sometime in 2017. I’ll also be working out ideas from future issues and taking suggestions from followers and readers along the way.

Stay tuned for some updates!

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This man talks so much trash. The proof is in the pudding, ladies and gentlemen. The proof is in the pudding. You’ll all enjoy my pudding the most.

Chris Tull — If you really care about gays, why do you continue...

See, that’s what the app is perfect for.

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